Tell her she can't have a vagina
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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