Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
