Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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