thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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