i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
