Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
