I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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