if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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