don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
