Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
