and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
