how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
