i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
