Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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