you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
