Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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