her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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