You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
