You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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