i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
