My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
