I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
