just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
