i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
