You're completely useless in the revolution.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
