one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
