does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
