You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
