Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
