I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
