I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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