so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
