the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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