So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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