I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
