The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
