Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
