Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your cock deserves a montage
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
