You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
