Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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