New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
