I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
