I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
