I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
