Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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