i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
