so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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