Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
