mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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