I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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