Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
