She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
