I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize