her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
