Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
