How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
