Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
