Kiss
Puke
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
where are you?
Hypothermia
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
