no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
