If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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