is your mom at the bar?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
