some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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