You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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