Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
