im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
