Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
