i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
