Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
