Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
