Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize