I'm jealous of your bromance
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
