I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
