he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
