I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize