If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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