once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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