Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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