Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
