I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
