My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
