Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
