At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
