so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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