Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
