don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
